Adultery Survival Kit

Adultery Survival Kit

Discovering An Emotional Affair Clues

What are the clues of an emotional affair?

There have been plenty of response from people who have gone through the agony of watching their partner go through an emotional affair, and they want to share with everyone some of the things they’ve learned and the signs they say you have to watch out for if you suspect that your partner is involved in one.

clues of an emotional affair:

1. If he/she starts coming home late more than usual.

2. If you notice a change in your sex life, or you don’t have sex anymore.

3. He/she always has an excuse to go out of the house, usually at night.

4. You have trouble communicating, or he/she seems to not be listening to you when you are trying to talk to him.

5. You notice that he/she tends to avoid certain topics when you talk, and that he is keeping secrets from you.

6. He/she makes or receives phone calls late at night, and he usually answers them outside or in a different room.

7. You start having fights and arguments with the slightest provocation or over the smallest issues.

8. He/she starts changing his appearance, or seems to care more about how he looks.

9. There always seems to be some work event that he/she has to attend.

10. He/she starts making unusual comments about your marriage or relationship that he never said before.

Emotional affairs are very tricky.


stem this problem in the bud.

Sincere regards,


Lets Look At How Infidelity Effects Your Self Esteem

Nothing tears at your self esteem more than infidelity invading your marriage..

The question is often posed by someone in the midst of very painful marriage infidelity. “What did I do wrong?”

You ask yourself in the middle of the night, “What could I have done differently? If only I would have paid more attention, been less angry, been more positive, listened better, spent more time with” and the list of “If only I would haves” can go on and on.


marital or relationship crisis points to the reality that you are in some way defective or inadequate.

You as a person are outed.

Your nagging sense of inadequacy, you tried so hard to mask or overcome is now exposed.

It is very hard to manage well and recover effectively from an infidelity crisis with low self esteem or shattered sense of self.

Lets look at ways that will help you regain your self respect so you can get on with the job of healing and restoration.

Self respect and self esteem can be restored when you finally come to grips with the fact that you are not responsible, nor defective.

Lets Take A Look At How Marriage Can Make Any Of Us Vulnerable.

1.Marriage exposes you.

There is a space for vulnerability in all of us; at least all “normal” people.

In a marriage you control others’ access to that part of you. You can hide. You can pretend. You can avoid.

You try to use this avoidance tactic with your spouse. But then the events, and strong emotions pop-up and tug at those feelings you are trying to hide.

Your most hidden feelings are outed. Your spouse can choose to accept them or not accept them.


Marriage and Infidelity

Infidelity Will Destroy Your Self Esteem – Get Help!

2.You have been taught an unrealistic ideal about marriage.

Today the media and well intentioned people bombard us  with an image of marriage and married life that does not line up with reality

Watching parts of the “Bachelorette” on television will make you cringe. Is this what it means to “fall in love” or “be in love?” How are we to believe that this silliness and superficiality of such a show is anywhere near real life?

Or,maybe there is a part of you that longs to be swept off your feet to some romantic place and live with that “love” for the rest of your married lives?

And so we believe that these beautiful people “have it.” And, we don’t.

“What’s wrong with me/us? “We feel our emptiness, our frustration, our resentment, our loneliness.

3. We create imagined roles

We also attempt to cope in married life by adapting and living different roles, thinking, “This is how I’m supposed to act in a marriage.”

The woman is the nurturer.The husband plays the role of the provider.

The man plays the take charge role. The woman plays the submissive and helpless role.

One initiates sex. The other receives sex.

One is the strong silent type. The other is the gregarious seductive vixen.

One becomes the parent. The other becomes the child.

Roles may work for a period of time or may last the length of the marriage. As long as these roles are sustained you and your spouse never truly meet one another, only the roles we play

The strain of the roles is shattered by a marital crisis.

4. Unfinished business

The patterns and thoughts about self, others, marriage, sex, intimacy, abandonment, etc. we carry along and place at the feet of our spouse, usually unconsciously.Because we take into our marriages the unfinished business of maturation.

Unresolved and unfinished business from the past and has very little to do with you, the hurting spouse. The vulnerability of marrige just magnifies the character defaults.

Understanding the powerful dynamics of a maritage, of deep emotional commitment may help gain your self respect, knowing that many forces are outside your control, responsibility or sense of adequacy.

Another factor or way of thinking powerfully influences belief in your self.

Sincere regards,



Dr. Bob Writes

I’m often asked, “How do you keep your sanity after you hear all the stories of heartbreak and pain from those enduring a marital or relational crisis? Don’t YOU get depressed?”

I’ve thought long and hard on this question. I’ve literally logged tens of thousands of hours of listening to pain and heartbreak of couples and individuals since 1983.

I know clearly and deep within me the answer.

I am able to hear stories of pain and anguish of different varieties, over and over again, because I have absolute and unswerving faith in a person’s capacity to dig deep within and bring to light and power the solutions to their problems, the healing to their relationships and themselves.

I convey the utmost confidence in your innate and given capacity to heal and guide yourself.

I’ve experienced this with thousands – moving beyond the despair, neediness and desperation – discovering their voice and power and creating a new life and new relationship. It truly is amazing.

I love. I care. I guide and I get out of the way!

Click here to get your personal coach.

Adultery Survival Guide

Healing from the Affair – An Adultery Survival  Guide


Doug had an affair with a co-worker.
Of course, Linda discovered the affair and was devastated.

Doug and Linda read my ebook, “Break Free From the Affair,” and began rebuilding their marriage.


“Healing from an Affair “.

Linda and Doug talk about the 4 Stages of Healing and then Doug does a great job of pulling no punches and pops 24 tasks in front of the cheater.

Doug gets away with this since he is walking the talk: not perfectly, but hey, that’s part of the process too.

Here’s a sneak preview of his tasks:
• Be sensitive when your partner suffers from a trigger
• Stop being so selfish
• Take responsibility for your actions –and inactions
• Stop trying to always be in control
• Have some patience
• Be trustworthy
• Talk about things
• Be honest
• Show remorse and apologize
• Acknowledge the depth of the pain that your affair brought to your
• Educate yourself about affairs and relationships
• Figure out for yourself why you did what you did
• Be thoughtful and reassuring
• Stop being so defensive
• Be loving and supportive
• Stop thinking that the grass is always greener somewhere else
• Listen –really listen
• Stop blaming your spouse for your affair
• Make your life and everything you do an open book
• Check your anger at the door
• Get some counseling or therapy
• Ask your spouse what he/she needs from you on a regular basis
• Gratitude or gratefulness

He digs into each tip, giving your reasons, stories and supporting info.

Doug says, “You see, most cheaters just don’t ‘get it.’”

Doug didn’t at first.

Eventually, and with Linda’s help, he managed to get a clue and started doing the work that was necessary for Linda to heal herself and for the both of them to heal the marriage.

You can read more about their story by clicking the following link: 

Sincere regards,


Best Resources
infidelity and Affair Help
Break Free From the Affair
Best selling ebook on infidelity. Learn how to diagnose an affair and plan a specific strategy that offers the best hope of influencing the direction of the affair. Click here for more information.
Dr. Huizenga
One on One Personal Coaching
Yes, you can talk about it. Ask your burning questions. Accelerate your healing process. Find the best words and phrases to stop the marital crisis. Get the affirmation that empowers. Click here for more information.
 Dr. Bob,
We Care about You
We provide timely, courteous and thorough customer service. We know that a marital crisis can consume your energy and thinking. Your life may be in upheaval and torn apart.

Our commitment is to provide stability and predictability. We work hard to gain your trust, so that when you read our materials, are in a coaching relationship or part of our social communities you feel calm and know we are here for you and committed to your well being.

4 Steps to EFFECTIVELY Deal with Infidelity

If you are like most, you feel like a Basket Case when first confronted by infidelity in your marriage.

And, you typically engage in the 6 Killer Mistakes that Most Make that are Guaranteed to Prolong the Infidelity and Your Misery.

cheating spouse does. Very  few affair relationships ever become healthy. Your cheating spouse’s life is going down the tubes. And, there are very specific reasons why it’s not your life, but his/hers that is gravely at risk.

3. You must be able to stand back and see the motives and reasons for his/her temporary insanity. And, there are reasons. Affairs just don’t happen and emerge out of thin air. Lifelong patterns, in some cases, almost guarantee an affair, an affair that had its seeds long before s/he met you.

Intimacy And Your Marriage

Restoring Intimacy In Your Marriage Post Affair.

4. You must move out of the victim role and assume your personal power. This is not as difficult as it may seem. Once the top three conditions are met you will feel your power. You will know your power. I want for you to hold your head high and be able to confront in a powerful manner (using charging neutral, a skill I teach) your cheating spouse, look him/her square in the eye, so that s/he is the first one to blink.

These 4 vital and yet simple steps can be the beginning of your recovery. Infidelity, adultery whatever, are assumed by our culture today to be normal behavior. Not true and it is not your fault this tragedy is ruining your life and marriage.

Sincere regards,


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