Adultery Survival Kit

Adultery Survival Kit

4 Steps To Adultery Survival


Surviving Adultery and an affair IS possible.

A note from Dr. Bob Huinzenga:

It may not feel that way if you’ve recently discovered the infidelity of your spouse or partner. If you just discovered the affair or the suspicions of infidelity are so strong they are driving you crazy, you know what I’m talking about.

Surviving may seem an appropriate word. It feels like emotional, sometimes physical survival. The pain and fear can be excruciating and debilitating. It strikes at the core of who you are, or thought you were.

Surviving an affair means you make shifts in your thinking. You see, there are many common misconceptions and myths about surviving infidelity that make surviving an affair and the healing and recovering from it much more difficult.

And, as you begin to make the shifts, you begin to survive the affair, begin to feel relief and a new confidence in your ability to say and do exactly what you must to not merely survive adultery but know what you can do to possibly stop the affair, begin your healing process and perhaps save your marriage or relationship.

Killer Mistakes Most Make to Prolong the Affair and their Misery

A shift most have to make in surviving infidelity is how they initially approach their cheating husband or cheating wife.

In my free ecourse I outline 7 Killer Mistakes that prolong the affair, the misery and agony.

This free e-course begins shaping your thinking in a way that gives you the first steps of change that will give you the personal power you need in surviving and eventually overcoming and thriving through the infidelity and affair.

For example you will shift away from:

  • saying I love you.. and know exactly why you are doing that
  • suggesting counseling…and know exactly why this doesn’t work
  • saying you’ve changed…and be able to see the positive impact on him/her of NOT using this phrase
  • and more….
I need to know that affairs are not the glamorous, passionate love encounters they are often cited to be, but really about two insecure, empty, weak, and unhappy people that take the selfish, opportunistic route and need to be pitied in the end. Not the other way around. …Karen

Surviving infidelity Shift #2: You can NOT DIRECLTY stop the affair.

Surviving infidelity and an affair means shifting away from the effort and thought that you can stop the affair.

Trying to stop the affair directly is often a recipe for disaster. Sorry, that’s the bad news.

The good news: Many often stop the affair by using “indirect” strategies and tactics.

These often work, to the surprise of the offended spouse or partner.

For example you will learn the powerful strategy of “backing off” when applied to a “My Marriage Made Me Do It” type of affair.

Again, surviving infidelity means making some shifts that right now you may not even consider to be possible.

I just wanted to personally thank you for all that you have shown me and revealed to me.  This affair has not been an easy thing but being able to understand certain aspects of it has made it easier. And for that I thank you.  I still hurt everyday, I still wonder is it really over, I still wonder how will I ever be able to trust my husband again….I know that it is possible and that I can heal but “in the meantime”….

Surviving infidelity Shift #3: Overcoming the Stigma and Isolation of being the “Wounded Spouse”

Another shift in surviving infidelity is to reach out. Yes, it’s often difficult, at least in the initial states of infidelity discovery to seek out the support and encouragement of others. But, many find this necessary, at least in the beginning hours and days, in surviving infidelity and the affair.

It seems most unreasonable, but many initially feel embarrassment and humiliation when their spouse is found having an affair.

They don’t want to tell anyone. (They also think that if the affair stops and the marriage is mended, it would be most helpful NOT to have others know what happened.

And so, many suffer in silence or make knee-jerk, uninformed decisions that harm the process.

Resources are available for you here.

My wife is still involved with her man but I do see some changes from her as a result of me applying your concepts. At this point I am feeling better about myself and in more control and gaining some power back. She is seriously questioning herself and why she became involved with this other man. I have hope that we can get through this and she actually agrees with me that this may have been a blessing to us to make us stronger

Surviving infidelity Shift #4: Knowledge becomes Power

Surviving infidelity means you seek out knowledge. And, this knowledge will generate shifts in your thinking about infidelity and affairs that will give you new found courage, power and hope.

Affairs are exceedingly complex. Did you know that? The grocery check out stands don’t convey the complexity of affair relationships.

There are different types of affairs. Did you know that?

I outline 7 unique types of affairs in my e-book, “Break Free From the Affair.” This primer on infidelity jump-starts your change and healing process.

Surviving infidelity is often dependent on knowing exactly what you need to say and do in terms of the specific kind of affair facing you. Along with the 7 types of affairs, I outline specific strategies and tactics to use with each type of affair.

Best regards,


Finding Peace In The Midst Of Infidelity

How Is It Even Possible To Find Peace While Confronting Infidelity?


Following is a woman’s heartbreaking story of her experience with infidelity.

Learn how she coped through a tragic turn of events and came out a stronger person in the end, largely because of her love for her children.

crying, not eating, not being able to work. It was so hard. He walked out 1 week before Christmas.

My friends and family helped so much. I thought, “What did I do wrong?” I thought I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough. But it dawned on me one day as I looked in the mirror. I looked at what I was letting him do to me, the weight I lost, the kids trying to cheer me up. It was because of my kids…I didn’t want them to see me like that anymore.

I took back my life. They asked questions and I told them the truth about their dad’s other woman. I fought for my life and my children not to give up. Then, it got harder. Their dad (my husband) died in a car accident on Father’s Day. My youngest daughter was there spending the day with her dad for Father’s day. Thank God she wasn’t in the car.

Through him leaving and his death, I’m a very strong woman. It has shown my children that you can make it through anything, as long as you have a support system, and for me that was my children.

Keep in mind your spouse’s extra-marital affair was/it not your fault. It was their decision to jeopardize their marriage and your trust.

Just one of the comments to the above post:


  • Sue says:

    I’m in a similar situation in which H won’t admit it. I’m giving him time while I live a separate life but I am making plans to end it permanently. He has up until the day I move across the country to come clean and decide to work on this properly, after that it’s a no go.
    I won’t live as a puppet in someone else’s false reality that they have created for me, to benefit their own self-centered motives. It’s sad they he doesn’t have the courage and character to take responsibility. His greatest fear is abandonment and he makes comments about things we will be doing 10 years from now. All I can think is ‘are you crazy, I’m not going to be living like this another year, let alone 10’. His lies are going to get him the thing he is trying to avoid by lying, abandonment.

    Finding peace in the midst of infidelity is not easy.  But, to save yourself, you need to focus on that goal!

    Thanks for standing by.


Excuses For Extra-Marital Affairs

Types of Affairs: Affair #1 – My Marriage Made Me Do It

Adultery Survival And Marriage Restoration


Lets take a look at the effects, causes and cures for restoring an adulterous marriage.

The affair will never make sense but it helps to get the big picture so we can move along.

how can I save our marriage? There are many things you can do to move your marriage forward after one person has been unfaithful, but you have to keep in mind that sometimes a marriage simply cannot be saved.

If both parties want to try to save the marriage and move on after an affair it will take a lot of time and maturity.  It’s really tough to trust again after someone has taken your trust and thrown it away.  Some people will not be able to get over it and it will not only end their existing marriage but that lack of trust can follow them to relationship after relationship for the rest of their lives.

Because the hurt you can cause another person could literally scar them for life it’s really important that you really think it through before you decide to enter into an affair.  After all, is a little fun on the side, or a quick ego boost really worth the pain you’ll be causing another human being?  If you are so insecure that you think it’s worth it just so you can feel better about yourself and more desirable you should probably not be in any relationship and spend some time in a therapists office.

One of the biggest things you will need to do to move your marriage forward after an affair is to have both parties be brutally honest about the initial breakdown of the marriage and their part in it.  Blame for ruining a marriage is always shared by both parties, not always equally, but there are reasons the marriage fell apart to the point that someone thought they needed to have their needs satisfied by someone else.

Once you can honestly admit what went wrong you can solve the problem if you and your spouse can communicate effectively.  This means you have to avoid name calling, finger pointing, and accusations. If you can communicate in an adult fashion about the problems in your marriage and what you can do to fix them you might be able to salvage your marriage.

The bottom line is that not all marriages  should be saved.  If you are involved with someone who has a long history of adultery you should just move on.  They are obviously too concerned with their own selfish wants and needs, and they will never change. If, on the other hand, someone just gave into a moment of weakness you might be able to work together to save your marriage.

So ask yourself: cheaters, how can I save our marriage?

Only you and your spouse working honestly together can determine if marriage restoration is possible.

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